


fall without a sound

by queerofcups



Series: love love love (love love) [8]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 01:06:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9633221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerofcups/pseuds/queerofcups
Summary: Dan hates The Space™.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [somethin' in your eyes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8852305) by [snsk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snsk/pseuds/snsk). 



The Space™ , as Grimmy once described it, is the first thing to go. It’s the first thing they talked about years ago when they figured out the rumours weren’t going away and scrambling to save face after the video got out. It makes sense that it’s the first thing to go now.

“It’s not even intentional anymore,” Dan had told Grimmy the night he’d dubbed it The Space™, a little in his cups and willing to answer the question Nick only sort of asked. “It was at first. Now it just sort of…happens.”

Dan had caught him looking at the carefully maintained distance he and Phil kept between themselves with a raised eyebrow. It wasn’t the first time Dan had seen Nick looking at it and Dan found himself wanting to explain—that they had a plan, that they weren’t ashamed exactly, that Dan hated The Space™ as it became known.

Nick had nodded sympathetically and patted Dan’s arm.

Now, nearly a year later he and Phil are having an oddly familiar conversation, the post Valentine’s Day video conversation in reverse. It feels better than the last one they had, no heavy guilt and sadness, no stop-starts of blame.

“It’s not really coming out,” Phil says, making a face at the words. “Well. I guess we did say we weren’t together.”

“In 2013,” Dan scoffs. “Plenty could have happened since then. Plenty _has_ happened since then.”

The memorable months they attempted to be broken up spring to mind. As do the memorable reunions as they realized that they really, really didn’t want to be broken up.

“Sure. But we’re not really coming out of a closet.” Phil pops another crisp into his mouth. Dan’s fairly sure he’d hidden those in one of the cabinets for later. “I’ve talked about guys before. You’ve talked about guys lots of times. All the time. Dan, they probably know about you already.”

“Oi, you callin’ me a slag, mate?” Dan shoves lightly at Phil, who rolls his eyes.

“This is a no slut shaming area,” Phil says, gesturing to their apartment at large. “Unless it’s in a kinky way, which we’re not talking about right now.”

“Right,” Dan says, though Phil can tell his brains snagged a little on the kinky slut shaming thing. “So how are we doing this?”

Phil shrugs. “The rumours started because of how much we touch each other. We could do that.”

Dan laughs. “Arguably the rumours started because of the blatant flirting I was doing, but sure, we can start with touching.”

“Or both!” Phil suggests brightly, knocking their knees together.

“Or both,” Dan concedes. “Operation Come-Out-Except-Were-We-Really-Ever-In is a go!”

Phil cheers a little then says, “This feels way easier.”

Dan raises an eyebrow. “Easier than the last time we had this conversation? When we were deciding to stop touching each other in public and were six months from an attempted break up? I’ll say.”

Phil smiles softly and leans against Dan, resting his head on Dan’s shoulder.

“Phil,” Dan says softly. “I really hated The Space™.” It feels like a secret, like something he’s not sure he’s allowed to say. They’d crafted The Space™, and a whole lexicon of how they could act in public, out of self-defense, to make room for themselves to breath and grow into something other than Gay Couple Youtubers. Dan thought it was necessary years ago, and doesn’t blame the younger versions of themselves for coming up with it. But he’d also hated it, hated the moments when he came up against it, when Phil flinched away from his touch or seemed way more than a foot away.

“Yeah,” Phil says, sighing. “I did, too.”

The Space™, in Dan’s mind, has come to encompass more than the literal space that Grimmy asked about months ago. It’s the things they don’t say on film, the things they don’t do in public. Getting rid of it coincides perfectly with the rebranding he’d joked about on the internet but was 100% serious about.

They sprinkle things into the Spooky Week videos. They edit out fewer of the looks, leave in a few shoves. Dan yells about getting his ass fucked because he’s never been particularly interested in subtlety.

Then they film the baking video.

In their defense, it was late and they’d had to test the recipe, which meant eating a lot of sugary peanut buttery balls. So yes, Dan sings about wanting Phil’s ass, and moans a lot and is generally extra. And yes, Phil ships himself with a bowl with a masculine name and _blatantly_ checks out Dan’s off-screen ass. Those are things that would happen anyway.

But it’s a _moment_ when they watch the finished product, and look at all the things they opt to leave in. It’s a paradigm shift. It’s the end of some era they didn’t really realize they’d created.

Dan thinks about it for a weekend, mentioning to Phil places he might cut down, jokes that probably don’t land as well as he thinks they do.

“Post the damn video,” Phil says the fifth time Dan asks him about one more little edit. He walks away, singing under his breath, _half an hour has passed, half an hour has passed._

The weird thing about being them is people notice, but they can’t quite say what they’re noticing. Dan watches the comments, the flood of “um?” followed by small parade of question marks, the “am I imagining this?”s, the “they just don’t give a fuck anymore”s. He sees the complaints about fanservice, too and thinks, _oh you just wait_.

So, there’s Gamingmas. And the liveshows. And Phil’s birthday. There’s the tease of the Google Feud video.

And then there’s a wall.

Because before, there was a level of plausible deniability. There was still a line for them to scurry back to if things got too hard.

Now Phil is looking for Valentine’s Day flash games and Dan’s Youtube history is filled with Boyfriend Tags and Lipstick challenges. He’s got pro and con lists of doing it on his main channel versus a liveshow and making a whole video about them rather than slipping a comment into a rant. He bats ideas back and forth with Phil and finally, finally gets something down.

 

“I’m ready,” Dan says firmly, a week before Valentine’s day.

“Ready to…?” Phil asks.

Dan rolls his eyes and hands Phil his Notebook of Ideas. “ _Ready_ , Phil.”

“Ready,” Phil repeats, looking down. “ _Oh_. Oh. You’re ready.”

Dan nods and Phil breaks into a grin.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh folks, these are junk miles. Full disclosure, I'm totally working on a piece with a similar plot but in the skin and flowers, honey dipper-verse, which I'm sure we'll all like better. Mildly inspired by snsk's Somethin' In Your Eye, hence the inclusion of Grimmy (except that's a billion times better, go read it). Also inspired by Danny Flame's blatant fanservice in the second Google Feud's video.
> 
> This is fake, unless I'm prescient.  
> Inspired by The Knocks ft. Alex Newell's Collect My Love


End file.
